Nov 22, 20234 min read

a little squeeze

Updated: Apr 11

(Original Post - June 2011)

Powerful stuff, those hugs.

I’m guessing that not too many early-thirties males write a blog post on how cool hugs are. That being said, I’m sure there are quite a few early-thirties males who enjoy giving or receiving a good hug from time to time. Admit it. It’s pretty sweet. So why did I decide to write a blog post about hugging? Here are a few reasons.

1. I no longer worry about my 'coolness', or lack thereof. My ‘ride’ is a Pontiac Montana minivan. In said minivan, you’ll find several CD’s by the Fisher Price Little People. It used to be that Maggie, Eddie, Michael and Sonya-Lee’s melodies were almost enough to push me to the point of jumping out of the van on the Outer Ring Road at top speed, but I’ve come to tolerate, and sometimes even enjoy, their high-pitched warbling. So no, I don’t really have any ambitions of being super-cool. (Is it uncool to use the word super-cool?)

2. I wanted to title a blog post ‘A Little Squeeze’, and this was the only socially acceptable topic I could think of.

3. Norah gave me a hug recently that completely turned my day around, and I thought that her power to do that more than justified a relevant, if somewhat uncool, posting. She gives one great hug.

We’ve all experienced different varieties, thousands of times I’m sure. From the somewhat awkward ‘end of the first date’ hug to the slightly (or not so slightly) inebriated ‘I love you, man!’ hug, it is something that we experience, or should experience, everyday.

Like so many things, hugs are one of those commonplace occurrences that kids make you experience in a completely different way. Hugs are important to kids. They’re huge. I’ve seen Norah stop abruptly while climbing the stairs on her way to bed, a look of horror on her face as she realizes that there’s someone in the house that she forgot to hug goodnight.

James’ first hug was as exciting to us as his first step. Up until that point, when asked to give someone a hug he would walk over to the person, stop about a foot or so away and bend at the waist, leaning toward the person. He’d put himself in a ‘huggable position’, but you were expected to do the work. He’d often keep his eyes locked on the TV as he bent toward you, eyebrows raised in a ‘take it or leave it’ expression. When he finally gave a real hug, Norah of course was the recipient. She put her arms out to her sides, he walked over to her, and wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed. The best part was the smile on both kids; smiles that wrinkled the eyes and exposed the teeth.

My kids have shown me that a little hug is a powerful thing. They’ve also shown me that a big hug is more than powerful, it’s perfect. That perfect feeling is hard to come by, but I’m fortunate enough to say it happens to me daily. I get home from work and have to drop to one knee to catch the flying little girl who has launched herself into my arms, often with enough force to knock me backwards to the floor. With James, the best one is the ‘rocking to sleep, head tucked into the nape of my neck’ hug. His hands grip my shoulders, and this particular hug is usually accompanied by a very contented, high pitched sigh (usually from him).

And then, there’s the ‘squwuzzer’.

I can’t remember if Norah gave it that name or not. Likely, she did. The squwuzzer is a hug that necessitates her being up in the arms of the recipient as she wraps both arms around the neck of the person, and squeezes. Tightly. She reserves this hug for family, or certain company who are about to leave after a visit. Her face, and the face of the recipient, are almost identical, but for different reasons. It’s reminiscent of a hold you’d see in the UFC, where escape is impossible. Only, in this case, you don’t want to escape. Invariably, Norah and the recipient are smiling deeply by the time Norah relinquishes her squwuzzer, and you can’t deny the effect it has had.

There is research that shows that levels of oxytocin are elevated by hugs. (My coolness is further enhanced by my propensity for research, and for using words like propensity). Oxytocin is thought to influence bonding, feelings of empathy, and the trust felt between people. This is evident in the research that shows the enhanced relationships of newborns with parents who provide plenty of skin-to-skin contact. I read another article by the spokesperson of the British Heart Foundation. This doctor stated that positive emotions, for example those created by bonding and hugs, are said to have beneficial effects for heart health and health in general. When we hug, we lower cortisol, a stress hormone responsible for high blood pressure and low metabolism. Again, powerful stuff.

Kids are awesome when it comes to hugs. But for some reason, we adults have a tendency to direct the majority of our hugs at kids, not really considering or perhaps appreciating the benefits of sharing them with the other people in our house; namely our significant others. Sure, we hug, but how often, and with how much intensity. When was the last time you hugged someone and they actually gasped and laughed because of the intensity of your grip? Norah and James have reminded me of something I’ve known, but definitely have not put into practice enough; that making someone feel better, and subsequently feeling better yourself, is as simple as a squeeze…. or a squwuzzer. Everyday.

“All you need is,

What you want is,

All you need is love.

Everyday.”

- Dave Matthews